Tuesday, March 22, 2011

If You Can't Say Anything Nice, Don't Say Anything At All

I think some of the greatest advice came from the cartoon Bambi "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all."  Such amazing words from Bambi's little friend Thumper, but they ring so true today.  This philosophy applies in any situation, but especially in your home.  Your spouse is someone that you are suppose to be picking up, not putting down.  Whatever you say to them, they will take to heart because it is being given by the person who is suppose to love them the most.  Do not say things you will regret, it takes more effort to undo them than to say them.  If you are having frustrations, don't be accusatory and blaming, think of "I" statements to make to them so they don't feel like they are being accused, such as, I feel that, I get worried about, I am not understanding this, I am frustrated that, etc.  You get the picture?  Make sure when you are talking to them that you are dealing with how something makes you feel and not attacking them.  Last, if you do start getting upset, take a time out.  Tell them this is making you upset and you don't want to say unkind things and find a way to take a personal timeout.  Do whatever it takes to sort out your feelings and what you are thinking so you pick them up and not pull them down.

2 comments:

T said...

ManOfTheHouse called the other day and we were trying to work something out over the phone...
WRONG plan... I finally just asked if we could table the discussion until he got home - at which point it seemed like no big deal any more. Gotta pick the right time and the right setting to discuss differences!

kate said...

I've found that I really have to be careful about sarcasm. Not that I say mean things..just the opposite. I say nice things in a saracastic way...which leads my hubby to think I don't mean them. I really have to learn to be sweet without adding a little sour. Also, referring to your blog about timing, Wade & I no longer text each other when we're not at work because texting lacks the emotion of spoken words. Half the time we couldn't tell if the texts were made in sincerity, anger, humor, sarcasm, etc..and we couldn't tell if the silence after a text was because we were busy or sulking. :D