Saturday, March 3, 2012

Go Out of Your Way

I know a couple who have had some hard times in their marriage lately.  They have been negative toward each other, unkind and sometimes very harsh towards each other.  A funny thing happened recently.  One of them when out of their way for the other one and did something very nice, kind and thoughtful.  The suprise took thought and effort, but they did it anyway.  The interesting thing is, when I last talked to them, not one unkind word came out of either's mouth, what a pleasant suprise for some thought and effort. 
If you and your spouse are having hard times, go out of your way for them.  Think of something they need, love, or enjoy doing and go out of your way and make sure it happens.  The effort will be well worth it because you took the time out of your daily schedule to do something for them, that is showing them that you truly care.  Give your marriage a chance, do something good today and go our of the way for them.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Are you a Physical Touch Love Language Person?

If you still are not sure if your love language is Physical Touch, ask yourself these questions:
-Do you love your spouse's hugs or would you rather have a love note?
-Do you like it when your spouse is affectionate and touches you or would you rather have your spouse help you out with the household chores?
-Do you love it when your spouse puts their arm around you or would you rather have them surprise you with a gift?
-Do you love to hold your spouse's hand or do you enjoy it when they give you a gift?
-Do you like your spouse to sit close to you or would you rather have them compliment you?
-Do you love to hug your spouse, or do you like it when they help you with the little things?
-Do you love it when your spouse rubs your back or do you like it when they show interest in the things you do?
-Do you love touching your spouse when they are close by or do you like it when they run an errand for you?

If your love language is Physical Touch, then you will have chosen the first statement each time.  Physical Touch is a beautiful love language as each one is.  The only way you can become good at them is through effort and practice.  Remember your marriage is worth it.  So take time to learn their love language, then put in the effort to follow through with their love language, it will bring both of you great happiness and joy in your marriage.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

How To: Physical Touch

If your spouses love language is Physical Touch here are some suggestions:

-As you walk around places, hold your spouses hand, ie the grocery store, the mall, the hardware store, etc.
-Go up to your spouse and give them a long sincere hug, let them know you love them, resist the temptation to head to the bedroom, they need to know you can give physical touch without it always leading to the bedroom.
-When your spouse is relaxing, go up to them and give them a shoulder massage to help relieve tension.
-Hold your spouses hand during prayer.
-Initiate sex by first giving your spouse a foot rub or back massage, then move to other areas as long as it brings pleasure to your spouse.
-Take a bath together.
-When taking a drive together (just the two of you) reach over and rub their leg, stomach, arm, be extra affectionate, but be aware that they are still driving so you don't want to distracte them too much.
-When family or friends are over touch your spouse in their presence, give them a hug, hold their hand.  This allows your spouse to realize that affection is not in private, there is appropriate public affection.  It is good for your children to see this as an example of how an affectionate relationship is.
-When your spouse arrives home meet them with a hug or a kiss or both.  Let them know they are the most important thing to you.  If you generally meet them at the door anyways, meet them in the driveway, go a step further if you can.
-When you have a quick minute, take your spouse into a quiet place, the bedroom, the closet, etc and give them a passionate kiss.  This shows them that affection does not always lead to the bedroom, but this can definitly get the fires started for later.
-When your spouse is cooking, or standing there, go up behind them and put your arms around them and tell them you think they are amazing.
-Go to a beautiful look out in town at night time and make out, just like the good old days before you were married.

These are just a few suggestions, trial and error works best with this, just think of ways to show them you love them through physical touch.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Last Love Language-Physical Touch

I apologize that I am so back and forth on my blog, I hope to pick it up to one time a week.
The last Love Language is Physical Touch, this does not mean sex only.  Sex is a very important part of the love language but it also could mean: kisses, hugs, embraces, back rubs, foot rubs, brushing her hair, holding hands, touch of the shoulder when you pass by etc.   The Physical Touch love language is giving physical touch.  It is important to communicate what you do like and don't.  Maybe one spouse whos love language is Physical Touch loves it when they are given back rubs, but another spouse's whos love language is physical touch may not like back rubs, but loves to snuggle with their spouse.  The great thing is... it is touch, ALL marriages need some kind of touch, so as you touch your spouse you learn, and if they don't like it, do something else. 
Please remember that sex is very important if this is a primary love language.  If you have a hard time with it, you need to talk to your spouse and work out ways for sex to be a positive and enjoyable experience for both, and not just to do it because this is your spouse's primary love language.  Sex is meant to be enjoyed, trust me if you openly communicate it can be enjoyable for both.  Maybe every once in a while you agree to have sex because your spouse wants it,  but generally once you get started you both end up enjoying it.  Physical Touch is great, the more you touch, the more you learn and love.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

The Dr.'s Advice on TV about Pornography

I just had to post this here because what I saw on The Dr.'s last week infuriated me.  I don't watch tv very often, but I was at the gym and had time to kill, so I started watching. They were talking about intimacy and how men are with it, so I was curious.  I couldn't believe it when a woman caller asked them if it was okay for her boyfriend to have a thousand pictures of nude women on his laptop.  They all agreed and told her it was perfectly okay for him to look at pornography because it gets him ready for her.  They said the only time it is a problem is when they are spending the family fortune to maintain the habit. 
First of all, how is having a thousand pictures of nude woman not a problem.  That is downloading one picture a day for three years, that's a problem.  Second, you bring any therapist on that show and they will tell you the damage pornography does in a realtionship.  Bring couples on who have had problems with pornography and they will tell you the damage.  Bring doctors on that will show you a brain scan of someone into pornography and how it shows them desensitized and made them more and more emotionless.  All I can say is pornography is not acceptable in a relationship, it hinders and does great damage to it.  Do not allow the ways of the world to tell you it is ok, it is not.  If you or your spouse are having problems with it, seek professional help, put your initmacy back on track and back on being just between you and your spouse, not you, your spouse, and your computer, because that after all is an affair.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Are you an Acts of Service Person?

If you are not sure whether or not your love language is Acts of Service, ask your self these questions:

-Do you love it when your spouse does laundry?
-Do you love it when your spouse cooks for you?
-Do you love the little things your spouse does for you?
-Does it mean a lot to you when your spouse helps you with something you know they do not like to do?
-Do you like it when you can count on your spouse to help you with projects?
-Do you appreciate when your spouse runs errands for you?
-Does it mean a lot to you when your spouse helps around the house?
-Does it mean  a lot to you when your spouse helps you even though they have other things to do?

Ask yourself these questions and if you answer "yes" to most of them you could be an Acts of Service Love Language person.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How To: Acts of Service

If your spouse is an Acts of Service Love Language person, here are some suggestions:

-Find out what chore your spouse likes doing the least and commit to do that one chore so they don't have to do it
-Make a list of the requests your spouse has asked you to do, write them down, then pick one out per week to work on
-When you do an act of service for your spouse, like cleaning the bathroom, leave a note on the mirror expressing your love for them
-Make notes that state "today I will show my love to you by..." and fill it out, do the service and give to them
-When your spouse is away, do something special for them, paint a bedroom they have always wanted painted, put up new curtains, have the carpets cleaned, etc so when they come home they get an extra special surprise
-Don't view what your spouse asks you to do as a nag, but as a tag. They tagged you and they just need it done, so do it with a willing heart
-Do some big acts of service, like washing the car, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn and leave a sign:  To my Honey, Love your (spouse)
-Ask your spouse things you can do daily to help out, the little things mean a lot

Here are some ideas to help you get going if your spouses love language is Acts of Service