Make Ironman a Date

I have discussed several times about dating, being creative and group dating.  If you are stuck for an idea of what to do for a group date,or what to do for yourself, I am going to give a personal plug; if you live in St. George the Ironman is on May 7th here.  Why not get a group of your good friends or just you and your spouse and sign up to be volunteers at one of the stations?  You could bring snacks, goodies, or even a picnic lunch.  They still need many volunteers in many areas.  Watching these athletes come in is one of the most amazing and humbling things.  Seeing them push themselves past exhaustion point and keep moving is amazing.  With Jason on Search and Rescue we help out at the lake, we actually make a date of it.  We bring something to roast over a campfire the night before and sleep over because we have to be there so early.  It is so fun.  So grab your friends, or grab your spouse and be of service and help out.  I know you will have a great time chatting with everyone while you support the athletes.  To volunteer just google St. George Ironman 2011 and it will pull up the necessary link for volunteers.

10 Commandments Done

I hope you enjoyed the 10 commandments for Husband and Wife by Legrand Richards of the Council of the Twelve for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I know if you look these over they will have great help and significance in your marriage.  I love that Elder Richards put this together, this continues to reaffirm to all of us how important marriage is and that it takes work and effort.  It would be worth it to sit with your spouse and read them and talk about them to make sure you are both doing them.  You want a great marriage and the effort it takes will be well worth the result.

Commandment #10 for Wife

10.  Commit thy ways unto the Lord thy God and thy children shall rise up and call thee blessed.

What a blessing it is for us to know that if we turn to our Heavenly Father and raise our children in righteousness that our children will call us blessed.  I can think of no greater joy than to have my children choose righteousness and choose to follow God.  As we choose a path of following our Heavenly Father it will also bless our relationship with our husband.  If you choose to have peace, love, kindness, thoughtfulness, good will and uplifting words in your home, it will be very hard for the spirit of contention to be there also.  If you have a home of Heavenly Father's love and spirit and you will have great joy in your home.

Commandment #10 for Husband

10.  REMEMBER THY HOME AND KEEP IT HOLY.

Husbands, do you bring things into your home you shouldn't?  Improper movies, video games with too much violence, pornography, etc?  Your home should be a sacred place on this earth where your wife and your children will always feel it to be a safe haven.  The things you bring in your home will change the spirit in your home.  If you want Heavenly Father's spirit in your home, you can not bring things in there that will chase it away.  A good example is of a friend of mine, who's husband brought home a very scary rated R movie.  The wife felt right off that he should not watch it or have it in the home.  The husband said it would be okay.  After 5 minutes of watching it, he shut it off, he could feel the bad spirit the movie brought and the unease it left in him watching it.  He was intuned enough to what was good to realize the movie would only bring a feeling of unease in his sacred home.  Be thoughtful of what you bring in and your example.  Fathers/Husbands, you are constantly watched and lbeing ooked up to, so be an example for good and allow all to enter your home to feel that good.

Commandment #9 for Wife

9.  Keep thy home with all diligence, for out of it will come the joys of thy old age.

I see this in two ways; first keep you home clean, cleanliness is next to Godliness and a clean home helps keep the right spirit in your home.  The second is your home atmosphere, the saying "home is where your heart is" applies here.  You want a home that whenever anyone enters they can feel your good spirit and peace in your home.  You want a home that no matter who enters that they feel welcome in it.  If you keep your home like this, no matter your age, people will always know your home as a place of warmth, love and acceptance.  Your husband will want to come home, your children will want to come home, and your grandchildren will want to go there.  Having a home where all is welcome will help bring you constant joy in your old age.

Commandment #9 for Husband

9.  Thou shalt not take thy wife for granted.

Plain and simple, we are your wife not your servant.  Love us, uplift us, cherish us, help us, and always keep your eyes of adoration focused on us.  Do unto us as you want us to do to you.

Commandment #8 for Wife

8.  Permit no one to assure thee that thou art having a hard time of it, neither thy mother nor thy sister nor thy maiden aunt nor any of the kinfolk, for the judge will not hold thee guiltless for letting another disparage thy husband.

This goes in long with the husband's commandment #8.  Disparage means: cast in a bad light, belittle, and being of little worth.  As husband and wife you support each other, you pick each other up, you look for the good and say the good.  I cannot preach this enough.  You are not to allow someone to put your husband down or tell you the things they don't like about your husband.  You are to stand up for your husband and if someone tries to disparage him, you tell them not to do that, that he is an amazing man.  We have a tendency to turn to our families or girlfriends when we are having difficult times, we need to be careful of this.  If you are unhappy with your husband over something, talk to him first.  He can never know if there is a problem if you don't talk to him about it.  If you do confide in your mother, sister, girlfriends, be careful, you can even go as far to say  "I have a friend that is having a difficult situation, do you have advice you can give me for her," or if you do mention your hsuband, do not use the blaming language, use the "I" words, ie, "I feel that...", "I am concerned about...", "I need help understanding..." The point is you don't blame him saying "You are mean, horrible, inconsiderate..." etc.  Work together, support each other, and stand up for each other.

Commandment #8 for Husband

8.  Thou shalt not let anyone criticize thy wife to thy face and get away with it, neither thy father nor thy mother nor thy brethren nor thy sister nor any of thy relatives.

When you were married the two of you were made one.  That means in all things you are one.  Husbands, it is not appropriate to allow people to criticize your wife, if you do you are telling them that you agree with them.  That is very detrimental to a relationship.  When you allow people to put your wife down and don't say anything, you are putting her down yourself.  Once we start saying the negative about a spouse, it is just easier to see more and more negatives about them.  Stand up for them, let them know that they are your priority, have courage, if someone is negative, turn it around and tell them things you love about your wife.  When we look for the good and say the good, we just see more good.  Show your wife the great love you have for her and always have her back.

Commandment #7 for Wife

7.  Forget not the graces of cleanliness and good dressing.

Okay, this is simple, don't be a slob.  Look nice for your husband, smell nice for your husband, shower regularly and brush your teeth.  It is a turn off for a husband to come home to a wife who smells bad, won't get dressed or won't even brush their teeth.  I know depression hits many women at different times, but you need to be willing to recognize that not taking care of yourself is one of the big signs of depression and do something about it.  Just go back to the golden rule; how did I look when I was dating him, how did I dress, how often did I shower, did I smell good for him?   All that you did to win his heart should still be in play now.

Commandment #7 for Husband

7.  Thou shall enter into thy home with cheerfulness.

Alright you sweet husbands, we know you have had a long day at work, but you need to think about your wife who has spent the day cleaning the house and re-cleaning the house (because as soon as it is cleaned it is destroyed in 5 minutes), changing diapers, making bottles, being nurse, carpooling the kids where ever they need to go, dealing with teenagers and all their drama, it could go on and on.  You  go to work and get away from the home and what goes on there day in day out, I know work is not always glamorous, but it gets you out and you have a new perspective when you enter.  As for the mom, it is a full time job, it doesn't end when the husband comes home, it keeps going, well into the night and into the middle of the night.  Think of her perspective if you were to walk in cheerfully.  If you were to come in give her a kiss, tell the kids you missed them and then asked if she needed any help.  You could even go one step further and tell her to go sit down while you tidy up.  I have had the privelege of being a full time mom for 14 plus years, and I wouldn't trade it for anything, it is the most rewarding job, but it is the hardest job because there is not a break from it, it is hard that everytime you clean it is going to be destroyed again.  I have even gone to the lengths of calling my husband once it is clean and letting him know I did clean it today, but that it will probably be destroyed when he comes home.  Just remember a marriage is a partnership and you help each other, but by you coming home cheerfully it makes a difference, it shows you want to be home and you that you love coming home to her.

Commandment #6 for Wife

6.  Remember that the frank approval of thy husband meaneth more to thy happiness than the side-long glances of many strangers.

This is a vital one now-a-days.  Women, the only approval that matters is your husbands.  He is the one we are to look good for and take care of ourselves for.  We do not get ready for the day and look nice in hopes that other men will notice.  We get ready for the day and look nice for our husbands to notice.  You need to remember to take care of yourself.  Remember when you were dating and you would always try to look your best, it is the same now.  The women need to remember that our husbands go to work each day and interact with woman who are well groomed and look nice, but then come home to their wife who is luckily to have brushed out her hair for the day.  I am not saying that everyday you need to look amazing, we all have our casual days, but it shouldn't be everyday.  Husbands like to come home to their wife who looks nice and has taken the time to look nice for them.  Look good for your husbands, remind them why they love to come home to you and why they feel in love with you in the first place.

Commandment #6 for Husband

6.  Thou shalt co-operate with thy wife in establishing family discipline.

This is an essential rule to a marriage. With children the discipline needs to come from both of you.  You need to talk about how you were disciplined and how you expect to discipline your children.  You also need to realize that you back each other up.  The worst thing that happens, and it happens frequently in marriages, is that a spouse will discipline the child, then the child will go to the other parent stating it is unfair or leaving out a portion of the story and that parent will change the discipline.  This shows the child two thing, first that there is no consistentcy in the parents, which they need, and second that they can go to the other parent and get a lesser punishment.  This makes one parent look as the bad guy and one parent look as the good guy, this is not healthy in a relationship.  You are to support the other.  If one of you discipline a child in a way you feel is too harsh or inappropriate for the circumstances, you are to talk to each other about it and establish guidelines together that will help you both discipline appopriately for whatever circumstances may arise.  Marriage is a two way street, it takes both of you to do it and that includes discipline.  Just don't forget to show an increase of love to your child after you discipline them, because although you maybe unhappy with their choices, you never stop loving them.

Commandment #5 for Wife

5.  Thou shalt coddle thy husband, for verily every man loveth to be fussed over.

I love this!  Men by nature are very affectionate and they love attention.  Most men love the expression of touch.  Men loved to be hugged and kissed and fussed over.  I know when my husband is sick, which isn't often, that he loves it when I take care of him and see to his needs.  Men also like recognition when they come home from work.  When Jason and I were first married, I was an affectionate person, but I learned from him, that he likes it when he comes home that I greet him and give him a hug or a kiss or both.  I had to also learn from him that he likes hugs a lot.  This has been very, very good for us.  As I hug him and am affectionate with him I feel my emotional needs being fulfilled at the same time.  His hugs are healing, helpful and full of love.  Our husbands need our attention and our affection.  Pay attention to them, listen to their day, get his favorite treat for him when you are at the store.  Just show him that you are thinking of him and going the extra mile is worth it for him.

Commandment #5 for Husband

5.  Thou shalt make the building of thy home thy first business.

No matter where you live, a rental, a home, an apartment it is up to you to make a house a home.  Having a secure place for your family to live is a priority.  They need to feel protected and secure there.  There are many situations now-a-days where people are losing homes, or having to move because of job loss.  The greatest thing the husband can do is to find a home where the family will feel secure in.  The atmosphere in the home is up to you.  Build a home based upon love, peace, kindness, acceptance and protection.  Make sure your family understands through your example that they make a house a home.  No matter where you live build a home based upon faith and trust in Heavenly Father and you will have a home that you and your family will rejoice in.

Commandment #4 for Wife

4.  Thous shalt not nag.

How simple that is, or at least you would think it is.  My husband use to say to me that I would have a radar go off everytime he tried to sit down.  It seemed that everytime he sat down I would then ask him do something.  This is a two way street, on the one hand I feel like I always need help and on the other hand he does need to have down time.  So we finally figured out that he asks me if I need him to do something and if not he's welcome to relax.  I also try to realize when he is overworked or overstressed and try not to ask him to do much if it has been a long day and he just needs down time.  We as woman always have things that need to be done; the house and the children is a 24/7 job.  It does take two to run a home, but both husband and wife need their down time and their helpful time.  Just because the husband works outside the home doesn't mean he doesn't work in the home.  It is a matter of balance, of both of you being helpful to the other and learning to read the other.  You need to realize when one is overly tired or stressed and help out a little extra.  Also you women out there need to remember that your husband CAN'T read your mind, so if you feel he isn't contributing, ask him for help once he has had a time to relax.  Last of all remember to use please and thank you's they go far in a marriage, it doesn't seem like nagging when one asks kindly and is appreciative of the help given.

Commandment #4 for Husband

4.  Thou shall hold thy wife love by same means that thy won it.

Do you remember all the dates, dances, flowers, creative times you had when you were dating your spouse?  All the things your husband did to court you he should still do now.  Being married does not mean the courtship ends, it actually means you need to kick it in higher gear.  Marriage is a constant maintenance to make it great and if you went dancing when you were engaged, you should go dancing now.  If he use to bring you flowers when you were dating, he should still do it now.  When Jason and I were dating, I would dry the flowers he gave, I didn't want to throw them away because they had fond memories attached to them.  After we were married I had an idea; I would dry the flowers he gave me and break off the stem once dried and put them in a clear vase.  On the card he gave me with them, I would write the date and why he gave them to me.  Eighteen years later I have two beautiful big clear vases of dried roses.  By me being thoughtful to the flowers he has given me it has encouraged him to continue to do so.  If you miss dancing, plan a night and go dancing, it will rejuvinate you.  If you miss the creative dates, plan one and go.  In all this, talk to your husband, if the courtship has been forgotten, remind him of it.  Let him win you over again and again.

Commandment #3 for Wife

3.  Forget not the virtue of good humor, for verily, all that a man hath will he give for a women's smile.

I love this, I believe this is so true.  Having a good sense of humor and being able to laugh at life is what makes it bearable.  My husband has commented many times that it was my eyes and my smile that helped win him over.  Men want to enjoy life and they need a wife who will help them laugh when life throws a lot of challenges their way.  Right now Jason and I are going through a pretty rough time, but I am telling you that humor is making it all bearable.  We have to be able to forget hardships and look at the joy of everything else given to us.  Remember my motto "Joy in the Journey", laughter and smiles are an essential part of this journey, and if you don't laugh through the hard times you will probably cry, and as healing as that can be, it can be wearing all of the time.  So go ahead and remind your husband that you have a great sense of humor and that your smile is worth it's weight in gold.

Commandment #3 for Husband

3.  Think not that thy business is none of thy wife's business.

I sometimes think that when you first get married that the hardest part is the two of you are involved in everything that each other does.  What you do, where you go, who you associate with, who you talk to, this is all a part of your wife's business.  There is to be no secrets in marriage.  If there are secrets then trust cannot be there.  What you do does matter.  You may think your wife doesn't want to know, or it is boring, even if it is, you are to keep her aware of all your doings.  It is just a part of marriage sharing your day, sharing how you feel, sharing who you associated with, etc.  That way everything is always on the up and up.  But if you do something, or associate with someone you don't want to tell your wife about, then you shouldn't be doing it.  Your wife is your business so make her aware of all your business.

Commandment #2 for Wife

2. Expect not thy husband to give thee as many luxuries as thy father hath given thee, after many years of labor and economy.

This is straight and simple, some woman have had fathers who were very well off and provided them with much, we cannot expect the same from our husband.  For most of us if we marry for love it will be a struggle financially.  I remember when Jason and I were first married and we lived in a little one bedroom apartment, I loved it.  We had such a great time.  We worked together as a team and did what we could with what we had.  We need to appreciate how hard our husbands work and appreciate what they provide for us.  I believe it comes down to living in your means and being happy with it.

Commandment #2 for Husband

2.  Do not expect thy wife to be wife and wage earner at the same time.

Okay, this is essential.  If the wife is the wage earner, expecting her to take care of the home too is ridiculous.  If the husband does not have the job he becomes Mr. Mom.  I have heard of marriages where the wife has had to do it all, ie wage earner, clean the house, take care of the kids, etc. and the husband was lazy, he did not hold a job or only worked now and then and would not contribute to the house responsibilities, this is not acceptable.  We each have our responsibilities to do.  Husbands, you are expected to be the main wage earner, this allows your wife to raise your children and be responsible for your home.  Nowadays there are many, many woman who have to work, if this is the case, the home responsibility is equal.  You are to share the load.  Go back to #1 and remember you are partners in this.  When one seems very tired, buck up and do a little extra to help out.  A good marriage has to have a lot of give and take, but if only one gives and one takes, it is not healthy. 
Also if your wife is working just for extra playing money, she shouldn't be.  No success can compensate for failure in the home.  You can never, ever replace the opportunity a woman has to a full-time mother.  I can testify it is one of the hardest but most rewarding jobs there ever will be.  If you can work it out, let your wife stay home, your children need it more than you can ever imagine and it will be a blessing to your home.

Commandment #1 for Wife

1.  Honor thine own womanhood that thy days may be long and happy in the house which thy husband provideth for thee.

I see this in two ways, first is to love being a woman.  I love being a woman and I am grateful I am, but it is also for me to love myself and see the good in myself.  It is for me to realize that I am amazing, I do not have to be like the super mom up the street, or the super model mom down the street, it is up to me to see how wonderful, beautiful and special I am and to rejoice in the woman that I am.  I am not to compare myself to other woman, for I have wonderful traits that they will not possess.  We are all different, that is what makes us all so great!
Second, is a rule I am truly working on right now; no matter where you live, ie, home, apartment, with in-laws, it is up to you to make a house a home.  Love where you live, be happy there.  Our husbands work hard to provide for us where ever we may be at different circumstances in life, but it is up to us to be appreciative of their hard work and make whatever place we live in a house of peace, love and laughter.
Love who you are and have joy in where you live.

Commandment #1 for Husband

1.  Remember that thy wife is thy Partner, not thy property.

Very simple, the wife is to help the husband, not have the husband be dictator over her.  The woman came from the rib of Adam, which means they walk side by side, hand in hand, two voices working together as one.

Get Ready for the 10 Commandments Given to Husbands and Wives for a 100-100 Marriage

I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and a long time ago I was given a paper written by Elder Legrande Richards, who was one of our church's apostles, on the 10 commandments for husbands and wives.  In the next 20 days, I will post one commandment a day that he said.  I will alternate between the husbands and then the wives.  These have helped me out a lot in my marriage.  They remind me of where my focus should be and how we can have a 100-100 marriage.  I hope they help you over the next few weeks.  Whether or not you are LDS they will bring great blessings to your marriage.

Appropriate Conversations with the Opposite Sex

Recently I heard of someone talking about having appropriate conversations with the opposite sex.  Bascially you should not have a conversation with the opposite sex that you wouldn't want your spouse to hear and be a part of.  I love this comment, it is so true.  You should never tread on ground that could be shaky.  If you are having a conversation with the opposite sex that you wouldn't want your spouse to hear, don't have it.  You need to be careful and thoughtful of what you say.  A member of the opposite sex is not someone you share your confidences with, or even someone you flirt with.  Your eyes should be focused solely on your spouse and your confidences should be shared only with your spouse.  Your spouse is your most trusted conversation, they are the one that should pick you up, make you feel of value and help you see your worth.  Be thoughtful in your conversations with the opposite sex, make sure you only say what you would want your spouse to hear.

Be Thou An Example

We tell our children all the time of things we want them to do that is right, but far greater is the example that we set.  They watch us and follow closely what we do, our examples speak louder than words.  It is the same for your spouse.  If you want a spouse more complimentary, be more complimentary.  If you want a spouse more helpful, you be more helpful.  If you want a spouse who speaks kinder, you speak kinder.  The example you set to your spouse will speak louder than your words.  Uplifting, kind and loving words are essential to a relationship, but so are kind deeds, helpful hands and a willing heart.  Be to your spouse what you want them to be to you.  If you are having problems with a spouse being negative to you, do not be negative back.  Seek to find the good and say the good.  Look for ways to uplift them and help them to love themselves.  When your spouse is doing something that is not uplifting or good it is not appropriate to belittle them, yell at them, or deamean them.  You need to love them and seek for ways to help them see in themselves the good you see in them.  Be the example you desire your spouse to be, it is hard to be upset at someone who is loving you back.

Make 'Em Laugh

Since today is April Fools Day I feel an appropriage theme is make them laugh.  It is simple, do something that makes them laugh.  It is amazing how healing laughter can be.  When all you can see is the hard part of life, a thing as simple as laughter relieves stress.  A couple of ideas that have went over well in this house are a mud fight, a frosting fight, a water fight, etc.  Our kids actually enjoy them just as much as we do and it is good for everyone to just lighten up and laugh, or just play a good natured April Fools joke on them.  Have a great day and laugh, laugh, laugh.