Summer is Crazy

I am so sorry I have been very inconsistant lately, summer is taking me more for a loop than I realized it would.  I will get back to the last three love languages starting July 11.  I am sorry again for being so inconsistant.

Are You A Quality Time Person?

Here are questions to figure out if one of you are a Quality Time person:

-Do you like to be alone with your spouse, or do you like it when your spouse cleans your car?
-Do you like taking trips with your spouse, or do you enjoy receiving a gift from them?
-Do you being with your spouse no matter what they are doing, or do you like it when they give you a compliment?
-Do you like hanging out with your spouse, or do you like it when they give you a massage?
-Do you like it when your spouse supports you or do you like it when they kiss you?
-Do you like it when your spouse listens and talks to you or do you like it when they tell you you look good?
-Do you like having your spouse's undivideded attention or do you like it when they help you clean the house?

These are a few questions you can ask each other to get a feel of what love language you are.  Also keeping a list of things you do that make your spouse happy helps you determine the love language, because there would generally be a pattern of your spouse liking compliments, or spending time with you, etc.

Happy Belated Fathers Day

I know I am behind for Fathers Day, but I realize it would be unjust of me if I do not pay tribute to the greatest two men I know, my husband and my father. 

First, Happy Fathers Day to my husband who makes this life worth everything.  He is a man that brings me constant joy and happiness.  He is a man that is patient, kind and loving to me.  He is a man that helps me see my potential and belives in me and all I can achieve.  He is a man who truly belives I am beautiful and never stops telling me.  He is a man, that when my moody days come, which have been frequent lately, he bears it all with patience and love and tries to help me get through it.  He is a man of faith, who follows God and serves him diligently.  He is a man that won my heart 18 years ago and I am grateful for it everyday.  He is the man that gave me four beautiful and amazing children who are the joy of my life.  I love you dearly Jason, thank you for all you are to me and for loving me always.

Second, to my Dad, Happy Fathers Day, he is a man that sets the example always.  He worked diligently to always provide for our family.  He would get us kids up in the morning, get us ready for school, make a homemade breakfast from scratch, send us off to school, go to work, then come home and help us with homework or dinner, or both and then he would help get us ready for bed.  He would do stuff around the house constantly and when he asked us to help him, you knew that he would be working too.  He is a man that has beared patiently and lovingly the trial of a wife who has been sick for 34 years.  He shows us the example of love by helping my mom, being patient with her, serving her and loving her.  He was always there to support us and he supports his grandkids whenever he can.  My Dad is my hero, he is my example, he is a man who has brought me great joy in life for the unconditional love he has always given me and for his example of faith and love to our Heavenly Father.  Thank you Dad for all you have done,  I love you.

How to Quality Time

So if you or your spouse are a Quality Time person, here are some suggestions:

-Sit down and talk to your spouse each night, that means tv off, and talk about your day, desires, hopes, etc
-Take a vacation with your spouse, just you and them enjoying one on one time
-When you go out to dinner, pick a place that has a nice atmosphere, a place that isn't so noisy so you can talk to each other
-Take a walk down memory lane and go to where your spouse grew up and find out about their childhood
-Go bike riding together, or running together, or swimming together
-Sit and watch your spouses favorite sport or tv show with them, even though it may not be your favorite thing to watch, it's about doing things together; you both give a little
-If you can't take a vacation together, get away for a weekend
-Grab your laptop and watch a movie on the trampoline with some popcorn
-Just get out and enjoy some one on one time

Quality Time

The love language Quality Time is all about being together.  But it goes further than that, it is about being together and giving each other your undivided attention.  It is not about taking your wife out to dinner and then spending all your time on your cell phone.  It is not about sitting down to have a conversation with her while the tv is on, which will constantly distract your attention.  It is about choosing to do things together that one of you love to do, or both of you love to do.  It is about taking time for each other to have quality conversations, really focusing on each other and how you are doing. 
If you or your spouse are a Quality Time love language person, it is a person who loves to be with their spouse.  Even if it is going grocery shopping because they know they can get some one on one time with you.  If you or your spouse are a Quality Time love language, this a person who loves to have your undivided attention, who loves to sit and talk to you without any distractions, who loves to hang out with you wherever it is because you are giving them your time and attention.
One of the important aspects of Quality Time is quality conversation, this is where you really talk to your spouse.  You don't just let them do all the talking.  The two of you share your hopes, thoughts, dreams, aspirations, disappontments, etc.  If you are not a talker and your spouse is a Quality Time person, you need to develop ways in which you can share your thoughts more readily with your spouse.  If your spouse is a Quality Time person, it means a lot to them to have you learn to engage in quality conversation, this helps them to feel very loved by you because you are taking the time to let them know how you really feel and what you think even if it is hard for you to say.
If you feel you don't have the time to take them out or to sit down and talk with them, MAKE THE TIME.  Your marriage and your spouse is the most important thing to make the time for.

Are You a Words of Affirmation Person?

With the advice given on Words of Affirmation, how do you know if you or your spouse is a person that thrives off of kind words, cards, poems, etc.?  You need to evaluate your spouse and yourself.  Ask yourself and your spouse these questions:

-Do you like it when your spouse tell you you look good, or would you rather snuggle with them?
-Do you love it when your spouse leaves a love note, or would you rather a sweet gift from them?
-Do supportive comments from your spouse make you feel good, or would you rather hang out with them no matter what they are doing?
-Do you thrive off of your spouses compliments of you, or would you rather have them help out with a chore you do not like doing?
Do you like it when your spouse is appreciative of you, or would you rather sit and listen to your spouse as they tell you of their accomplishments and dreams?

When your spouse does something for you that makes you feel great, think about it, is it from a compliment, a hug, a gift, spending time with you, or with them helping you out?  Start writing down the things your spouse does that makes you happy, it will help you to understand your love language.  If you are stuck on your spouses love language, sit and talk to them and see if the two of you can figue it out by going over the love languages as I give them out over the next little while.

Internet Looks Ready To Go

After two technicians over, several phone calls and a new router, I believe I should be back in business tomorrow.  So look for tomorrow's blog on ways you can tell if your spouses love language is Words of Affirmation.

internet problems still sorry

How To: Words of Affirmation

Here are some things you can do and say to help you begin the love language of Words of Affirmation:

-Keep a written record for a week of all of the kind things you say to your spouse, this helps you to realize if you are just repeating the same thing over and over, or if you are truly looking for the things you appreciate about them
-Give your spouse at least one compliment each day
-Write a poem, love letter, or a story telling your spouse how much you love them and how great they are
-If you are having trouble being a sincere person, watch people you know with great realtionships, see and hear how they interact with their spouse, this will help you to understand how to be sincere and give you ideas on what to look for and say sincerely
-Compliment your spouse in front of friends and family.  Your spouse should always know when they are with you that your will uplift them and not put them down.
-Tell your children, with the spouse there, how much you appreciate your spouse.  It is so good for children to hear a loving kind relationship with their parents
-Does your spouse have a dream of something they would like to do?  Well, encourage them if they do, help them see in themselves what you see in them
-You could put a love note on a mirror or window with dry erase markers, you could leave little heart papers in their car of all the things you love about them, you could buy a sugar cookie and write on it what you love about them, you could make a candy bar poster of all their great attributes, you could write on a towel or apron or t-shirt of things you love about them.  There are many other things you can do to give them encouragement
-If you really have a hard time speaking kind words, then practice, practice, practice.  The more you say it the more easier it will get and if this is difficult, write it down and give it to them

Love Language - Words of Affirmation

 This love language entails giving constant verbal appreciation and uplifting your spouse with kind words daily.  If your spouse's love language is Words of Affirmation they are an individual where your words of encouragement and praise go far.  You do not just tell them they look nice, or thank them for the great dinner.  You help them realize their potential and through your words of encouragement you help them achieve all they can become.  Do not put down your spouse, they can do that enough on their own, you are their spouse, their champion and they need words from you that constantly lift them to higher grounds.  Words of Affirmation is seeing all they do, believing in all they can become and loving them with words that help them to know they are amazing.  If it helps, keep a journal of things you notice and praise them on them.  Think of something kind they did, or a little extra gesture they did to help out and let them know you appreciate it.  I had an individual who I knew was struggling with self-esteem and just needed her husband to help pick her up, but words of affirmation came very difficult for him when he does not feel they are sincere.  But as I always say, if you start looking for the good things, you will see the good things and have great things to say about your spouse.  That spouse needed to remember why he married her and let her know what he loved about her then and now, she just needed to her from her spouse that he thought she was still beautiful and amazing.  So if your spouse thrives off of words of encouragement don't let your uncertainty hold you back, look for the good, see the good, say the good.
P.S. On a side note, if I do not post for some reason on any day (except Sunday, that is my one day off) I am sorry, I try to be very consistant, but my internet has been extremely tempermental ever since we have moved, so sorry for any problems.

The 5 Love Languages

There was a book written a while ago called The Five Languages of Love.  It is a book that I believe has a lot of great points in it.  It talks how each of us have our own primary love language.  The love languages are: Physical Touch, Service, Quality Time, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.  The book points out that each of us have different ways in which we feel love.  Some people may feel love more acuately from their spouse spending time with them, some may feel it more from the hugs their spouse gives them, and perhaps may feel it from gifts given to them.  The point is to find the way in which your spouse feels love the most from you and to love them in that language.  I know some people who love it when their spouse spends time with them and others who don't like it when their spouse buys them flowers.  We all feel love from our spouse differently, but we all want to feel very loved by our spouse.  So for the next little bit I will be reviewing the love languages and how to make them a part of your life.

Tubing Rapid Run of Reality

A few days ago my husband and some friends of ours went tubing down a little river by where we live.  This little river is running pretty fast due to flood season and it has changed since I was in it last year due to a big flood that hit us a few months ago.  As we were tubing down the river we had trees and twigs all over in it.  We had places that were so litered with debris that we couldn't see the path to take until right before we came to it and then we had to paddle like crazy to get to it.  We all hooked ourselves together holding onto each other as we went down the river which was so fun, but at times when the debris suddenly came upon us we had a choice to hold on or to let go and abandon the group and save ourselves.  It was interesting and funny to watch.  At times I would let go to save myself, at times one of my friends would let go to save herself.  But my husband never let go of the group of tubes, he always clung steadfast and strong and helped to keep the group going where it should and if they got stuck, he was there to help them all out.  We had a lot of laughs as we tubed down the river, but it made me realize it was like marriage. 
When the hard times hit you, the rapids or debris do you cling steadfast and strong to your spouse or do you abandon them and save yourselves?  When life throws things your way, who do you hold to?  I hope your relationship is one where you hold steadfast to each other, it takes the two of you to get you through the really hard times.  It is the really hard times that test the strength of your marriage, ie financial hardships, moving, new job, school, kids, even uncertainty for your future can be a strain on your marriage.  So when the rapids and debris hit you make sure you are clinging to each other, do not abandon them for what you feel is the better way, it is by clinging to each other that you can survive anything.

Keys to Fairness in Marriage #4

4.  Learn to speak each other's "language of love."

You need to understand that each of us have different ways that we want to be loved.  There are different ways we can be shown love by our spouses this could be; hugs, kisses, doing kind deeds, helping in the home, praising them, buying them chocolates, spending time with them, etc.  You need to understand what your spouse likes and what love language they respond best to.  Does your spouse want at hug when they come home, do they want to sit and talk to you, do they want you to help in the home?  What way is it that they feel the love from you?  What does your spouse respond the best to?  How does your spouse truly feel love from you, if you are not sure, ask them, sit and talk to them and learn to understand them.  Once you learn their language of love (which we will go over more in the future)  it will help you grow closer to them.

Keys to Fairness in Marriage #3

3.  Be sensitive to your spouse's needs and recognize they are probably different from yours.

Let's face it, men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  We are both very different, but that is what makes us so great.  I know men love women because they are soft, beautiful, nuturers, kind, sensitive, loving, compassionate, thoughtful, etc. and women love men because they are strong, courageous, determined, affectionate, loving, etc.  We are beautifully different, that is what makes us so great together.  So men do not think your wife's needs are the same as yours, they are not.  It is for you to learn what they are and help bring out the amazing woman your wife is.  Wife's your husbands needs are definitley not the same as yours, realize what your husband needs and help him be the wonderful man he is.  As you look to see to each other's needs and are sensitive and helpful to each other, your relationship will grow stronger and stronger because you are taking out the "Me factor" and making it a "We factor."