The Dr.'s Advice on TV about Pornography

I just had to post this here because what I saw on The Dr.'s last week infuriated me.  I don't watch tv very often, but I was at the gym and had time to kill, so I started watching. They were talking about intimacy and how men are with it, so I was curious.  I couldn't believe it when a woman caller asked them if it was okay for her boyfriend to have a thousand pictures of nude women on his laptop.  They all agreed and told her it was perfectly okay for him to look at pornography because it gets him ready for her.  They said the only time it is a problem is when they are spending the family fortune to maintain the habit. 
First of all, how is having a thousand pictures of nude woman not a problem.  That is downloading one picture a day for three years, that's a problem.  Second, you bring any therapist on that show and they will tell you the damage pornography does in a realtionship.  Bring couples on who have had problems with pornography and they will tell you the damage.  Bring doctors on that will show you a brain scan of someone into pornography and how it shows them desensitized and made them more and more emotionless.  All I can say is pornography is not acceptable in a relationship, it hinders and does great damage to it.  Do not allow the ways of the world to tell you it is ok, it is not.  If you or your spouse are having problems with it, seek professional help, put your initmacy back on track and back on being just between you and your spouse, not you, your spouse, and your computer, because that after all is an affair.

Are you an Acts of Service Person?

If you are not sure whether or not your love language is Acts of Service, ask your self these questions:

-Do you love it when your spouse does laundry?
-Do you love it when your spouse cooks for you?
-Do you love the little things your spouse does for you?
-Does it mean a lot to you when your spouse helps you with something you know they do not like to do?
-Do you like it when you can count on your spouse to help you with projects?
-Do you appreciate when your spouse runs errands for you?
-Does it mean a lot to you when your spouse helps around the house?
-Does it mean  a lot to you when your spouse helps you even though they have other things to do?

Ask yourself these questions and if you answer "yes" to most of them you could be an Acts of Service Love Language person.

How To: Acts of Service

If your spouse is an Acts of Service Love Language person, here are some suggestions:

-Find out what chore your spouse likes doing the least and commit to do that one chore so they don't have to do it
-Make a list of the requests your spouse has asked you to do, write them down, then pick one out per week to work on
-When you do an act of service for your spouse, like cleaning the bathroom, leave a note on the mirror expressing your love for them
-Make notes that state "today I will show my love to you by..." and fill it out, do the service and give to them
-When your spouse is away, do something special for them, paint a bedroom they have always wanted painted, put up new curtains, have the carpets cleaned, etc so when they come home they get an extra special surprise
-Don't view what your spouse asks you to do as a nag, but as a tag. They tagged you and they just need it done, so do it with a willing heart
-Do some big acts of service, like washing the car, cooking a meal, mowing the lawn and leave a sign:  To my Honey, Love your (spouse)
-Ask your spouse things you can do daily to help out, the little things mean a lot

Here are some ideas to help you get going if your spouses love language is Acts of Service

Love Language Acts of Service

First of all, sorry to all of you who take the time to read this, I have been letting life get away from me and I am sorry.  I appreciate all of those who take the time to read this.

Back to the love language Acts of Service.  This love language is exactly how it sounds, you do acts of service for the other person.  If your spouses love language is acts of service then they will appreicate when you do the dishes, mow the lawn, vaccuum the house, pick up the dry cleaning etc.  This is the love language where what you do matters.  Many may think that it doesn't really matter if you do the dishes.  But if your spouses primary love lanugage is acts of service, it means the world to them.  My secondary love language is acts of service and I can tell you that when my husband helps out in the home it means so much to me and helps me to be a happier person.  Remember even small acts of service help out, like remembering to take the garbage to the curb, changing the babies diaper, wiping clean the childrens faces, etc. If you are not sure what types of service mean the most to your spouse, ask them.  What could it hurt you if it meant a lot to your spouse to make the bed everyday?  You would be doing something they really appreciate.  By doing your acts of service you help bring joy and love into your marriage.  Remember the Savior showed us the great love of service when he washed his disciples feet, he did it out of love for him.  If your spouses love language is service, then you find out what services they love to have done and you do it out of love for them.  Remember this may take work, you may have to write a list of a service you could do each day of the week, your spouse will appreicate your effort and the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Are you a Receiving Gifts Person

Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if you are a receving gifts person:

-My spouses praise means a lot to me or I like it when he/she give me a gift I really like?
-I can count on my spouse to help out in the home or I love opening a gift from him/her?
-I love it when my spouse hugs me or I like it when he/she surprise me with a gift?
-Spending time with my spouse makes me happy or even the smallest gift from my spouse is important to me?
-I never get tired of my spouse praising me or I look forward to what he/she will give me for my birthday?
-My spouse doesn't interrupt me when I talk or I never tire of receiving gifts from my spouse?

These will give you an idea to determine if your love language is Receiving Gifts.  Just remember if you have a spouse who's love language is Receiving Gifts, the thought counts a lot, they want to be thought of as you make a considerate purchase, or as you make them something.

**On a personal note, I am having a hard time keeping this up for the summer, it just seems like things are chaotic, so I will start back up in mid August (once the kids are in school and my schedule is back to semi-normal) with the last two love languages.  I appreciate everyone's kind words and encouragment for my blog, this has been one of the hardest things I have done, but when even one person tells me they appreciate it, it makes it worthwhile.

How To: Receiving Gifts

Here are some suggestions for you if your spouse's love language is Receiving Gifts:

-Give your spouse a gift in the morning, ie, their favorite candy, send them a gift in the afternoon, ie, balloons or flowers, and bring them a gift home in the evening, ie, a favorite shirt or book
-Give them one gift a day for a week
-When you are out walking around, look around you, do you see a beautiful flower you could bring home for your spouse, or do you see a great walking stick they may enjoy
-Make a handmade gift for your spouse.  What if you feel you are not good at making anything?  Then take a class on how to make something your spouse would enjoy, they will treasure the gift for a long time because you made it
-Keep a notebook or on your cell phone make a list of gift ideas.  Everytime your spouse says "I would like that", write it down, then you will always have ideas of things they like
-If you still don't have ideas what to get your spouse, ask a friend or a family member who knows them well
-Offer the gift of self, tell them you will be there for an event they have that month.  Even if it is not something you will enjoy, enjoy it because you are giving them the gift of self and it fills their love tank
-Give them a book and read it yourself so you have something you can discuss together.  You can even rotate books on topics of things you are both interested in
-Give to your spouse's favorite charity in honor of them and ask the charity to send a card informing your spouse of what you have done
-Give a living gift, ie, a tree or flowering shrub.  Go help your spouse plant it, it will be a gift that last a long time

Just remember when you give the gift, it is the thought that truly counts, because they will look at that gift and rememeber you were thinking of them.

Love Language Recieving Gifts

A gift is something you can hold and look at and realize that someone was thinking of you, that is why they gave it to you.  A true gift doesn't always have to cost money, but it needs to be something you give because you care and love for that person.  Gifts can be a card you make, wildflowers you pick, or something you saw in the store that would be just right for that person.  A person who's love language is Receiving Gifts is generally someone who is enthusiastic when gifts are given, they are also someone who remembers the gifts because it was important to them.  Also in Receiving Gifts an important part of the love language is the gift of your presence, this is where you are there for the person at times of crisis, or if they just need you there by their side through difficult times. 
What if you are a saver and have a hard time spending money?  If your spouses true love language is Receiving Gifts you need to realize your investment is in your marriage.  If that is how they get their love tank full, then you do need to spend some money and get them things that are thoughtful; or if things are tight, be creative, you can give gifts without spending money.
Remember in all this that your marriage is the most important thing, so it is worth the financial and time investment.