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How To: Words of Affirmation

Here are some things you can do and say to help you begin the love language of Words of Affirmation:

-Keep a written record for a week of all of the kind things you say to your spouse, this helps you to realize if you are just repeating the same thing over and over, or if you are truly looking for the things you appreciate about them
-Give your spouse at least one compliment each day
-Write a poem, love letter, or a story telling your spouse how much you love them and how great they are
-If you are having trouble being a sincere person, watch people you know with great realtionships, see and hear how they interact with their spouse, this will help you to understand how to be sincere and give you ideas on what to look for and say sincerely
-Compliment your spouse in front of friends and family.  Your spouse should always know when they are with you that your will uplift them and not put them down.
-Tell your children, with the spouse there, how much you appreciate your spouse.  It is so good for children to hear a loving kind relationship with their parents
-Does your spouse have a dream of something they would like to do?  Well, encourage them if they do, help them see in themselves what you see in them
-You could put a love note on a mirror or window with dry erase markers, you could leave little heart papers in their car of all the things you love about them, you could buy a sugar cookie and write on it what you love about them, you could make a candy bar poster of all their great attributes, you could write on a towel or apron or t-shirt of things you love about them.  There are many other things you can do to give them encouragement
-If you really have a hard time speaking kind words, then practice, practice, practice.  The more you say it the more easier it will get and if this is difficult, write it down and give it to them

Love Language - Words of Affirmation

 This love language entails giving constant verbal appreciation and uplifting your spouse with kind words daily.  If your spouse's love language is Words of Affirmation they are an individual where your words of encouragement and praise go far.  You do not just tell them they look nice, or thank them for the great dinner.  You help them realize their potential and through your words of encouragement you help them achieve all they can become.  Do not put down your spouse, they can do that enough on their own, you are their spouse, their champion and they need words from you that constantly lift them to higher grounds.  Words of Affirmation is seeing all they do, believing in all they can become and loving them with words that help them to know they are amazing.  If it helps, keep a journal of things you notice and praise them on them.  Think of something kind they did, or a little extra gesture they did to help out and let them know you appreciate it.  I had an individual who I knew was struggling with self-esteem and just needed her husband to help pick her up, but words of affirmation came very difficult for him when he does not feel they are sincere.  But as I always say, if you start looking for the good things, you will see the good things and have great things to say about your spouse.  That spouse needed to remember why he married her and let her know what he loved about her then and now, she just needed to her from her spouse that he thought she was still beautiful and amazing.  So if your spouse thrives off of words of encouragement don't let your uncertainty hold you back, look for the good, see the good, say the good.
P.S. On a side note, if I do not post for some reason on any day (except Sunday, that is my one day off) I am sorry, I try to be very consistant, but my internet has been extremely tempermental ever since we have moved, so sorry for any problems.

The 5 Love Languages

There was a book written a while ago called The Five Languages of Love.  It is a book that I believe has a lot of great points in it.  It talks how each of us have our own primary love language.  The love languages are: Physical Touch, Service, Quality Time, Gifts, and Words of Affirmation.  The book points out that each of us have different ways in which we feel love.  Some people may feel love more acuately from their spouse spending time with them, some may feel it more from the hugs their spouse gives them, and perhaps may feel it from gifts given to them.  The point is to find the way in which your spouse feels love the most from you and to love them in that language.  I know some people who love it when their spouse spends time with them and others who don't like it when their spouse buys them flowers.  We all feel love from our spouse differently, but we all want to feel very loved by our spouse.  So for the next little bit I will be reviewing the love languages and how to make them a part of your life.

Tubing Rapid Run of Reality

A few days ago my husband and some friends of ours went tubing down a little river by where we live.  This little river is running pretty fast due to flood season and it has changed since I was in it last year due to a big flood that hit us a few months ago.  As we were tubing down the river we had trees and twigs all over in it.  We had places that were so litered with debris that we couldn't see the path to take until right before we came to it and then we had to paddle like crazy to get to it.  We all hooked ourselves together holding onto each other as we went down the river which was so fun, but at times when the debris suddenly came upon us we had a choice to hold on or to let go and abandon the group and save ourselves.  It was interesting and funny to watch.  At times I would let go to save myself, at times one of my friends would let go to save herself.  But my husband never let go of the group of tubes, he always clung steadfast and strong and helped to keep the group going where it should and if they got stuck, he was there to help them all out.  We had a lot of laughs as we tubed down the river, but it made me realize it was like marriage. 
When the hard times hit you, the rapids or debris do you cling steadfast and strong to your spouse or do you abandon them and save yourselves?  When life throws things your way, who do you hold to?  I hope your relationship is one where you hold steadfast to each other, it takes the two of you to get you through the really hard times.  It is the really hard times that test the strength of your marriage, ie financial hardships, moving, new job, school, kids, even uncertainty for your future can be a strain on your marriage.  So when the rapids and debris hit you make sure you are clinging to each other, do not abandon them for what you feel is the better way, it is by clinging to each other that you can survive anything.

Keys to Fairness in Marriage #4

4.  Learn to speak each other's "language of love."

You need to understand that each of us have different ways that we want to be loved.  There are different ways we can be shown love by our spouses this could be; hugs, kisses, doing kind deeds, helping in the home, praising them, buying them chocolates, spending time with them, etc.  You need to understand what your spouse likes and what love language they respond best to.  Does your spouse want at hug when they come home, do they want to sit and talk to you, do they want you to help in the home?  What way is it that they feel the love from you?  What does your spouse respond the best to?  How does your spouse truly feel love from you, if you are not sure, ask them, sit and talk to them and learn to understand them.  Once you learn their language of love (which we will go over more in the future)  it will help you grow closer to them.

Keys to Fairness in Marriage #3

3.  Be sensitive to your spouse's needs and recognize they are probably different from yours.

Let's face it, men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  We are both very different, but that is what makes us so great.  I know men love women because they are soft, beautiful, nuturers, kind, sensitive, loving, compassionate, thoughtful, etc. and women love men because they are strong, courageous, determined, affectionate, loving, etc.  We are beautifully different, that is what makes us so great together.  So men do not think your wife's needs are the same as yours, they are not.  It is for you to learn what they are and help bring out the amazing woman your wife is.  Wife's your husbands needs are definitley not the same as yours, realize what your husband needs and help him be the wonderful man he is.  As you look to see to each other's needs and are sensitive and helpful to each other, your relationship will grow stronger and stronger because you are taking out the "Me factor" and making it a "We factor."